My fiancé is holding back on our wedding date, what should I do?
This is a question that I see all the time. Sometimes a couple has talked about marriage but the man never proposes. Sometimes a couple gets engaged but they never set an actual wedding date. Other times, a date is set and then it gets pushed back or rescheduled for some reason.
Why Won’t He Set A Wedding Date – Fiancé Excuses?
If you are engaged and you have set a wedding date but your fiancé has pushed the date back multiple times, it can certainly be frustrating. However, many times there are legitimate reasons for holding back on the wedding date. Maybe you were counting on certain family members to help with expenses and they are not willing to help out as much as you had hoped. Maybe he lost his job, perhaps there is an illness in the family, maybe he just doesn’t want to go into debt and would prefer to save a little more money first. These are all legitimate reasons for postponing the wedding.
Don’t Pester Him!
If your fiancé has canceled a wedding date but does not want to talk about rescheduling and gets annoyed every time you bring up the subject, that could be a sign that there is a problem. If you have only brought up the subject a couple of times but he tells you that it’s all you ever talk about, or if it seems like he would rather pick a fight than talk about your wedding, it may be a sign that he doesn’t really want to get married.
Communicate Calmly About Marriage
There are also a lot of times where the two of you have not even set a date yet and it is impossible to get him to talk about it. If you are in a relationship with someone you have to be able to communicate. It’s important that you remain calm and try not to get emotional when you are talking about setting a wedding date. You may be frustrated if you have been waiting for a long time but if you come at him with frustrated energy, he is going to get defensive and you will not be communicating, you will be fighting. Of course even if you are able to remain calm and collected, it takes two to communicate effectively. If he wants to pick a fight any time you want to talk about setting a date for your wedding, it may be time to think about making a difficult decision.
Same Old Excuses For Delaying The Wedding?
Sometimes a man may have legitimate reasons for holding back on a wedding date but eventually it may begin to sound like one excuse after another. Some men are happy with their relationship the way it is and they don’t want it to change. He may be perfectly content to just keep dating you the way he has been up until this point. If you are living together, he may not see any reason to get married. At some point, if you want to get married and he won’t set a date and stick to it, you are going to have to do something about it.
It’s usually a bad idea to give a man an ultimatum when it comes to getting married. Telling a man “you better do this, or else” will often make him angry and push him away. It can also be a source of resentment later on if you get married and things end up not going so well at some point. However, you may eventually have to make a decision about whether you are going to stay in a relationship that may never get where you want it to, or if you are willing to end the relationship and find someone who does want to get married.
Long Engagements Are OK
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship for five years without getting married, if that is something that you want to do. At the same time, if the two of you talk about marriage early in the relationship and he knows that your goal is to get married and start a family, he has to realize that you are not willing to wait around forever.